Still Thinking…

I just watched *again* the documentary ‘The Corporation’ by Joel Bakan. Big mamma ChannelNewsAsia showed it in 4 parts – but alas, it is good to expose Singaporeans to such thought-provoking masterpieces as compared to locally-produced documentaries which are often cobbled together within a few weeks, at most – months.How the Singaporean producers are able to conduct their research within that short time, and then label the work as documentaries (some even go as far as saying it is a POV (Point-of-View) docus) baffles me. The best docus I’ve watched are made in years, mostly shot patiently and with hundreds of hours of research. Here in Singapore, I do understand that it is hard to find that luxury called Time to make such quality work. I just wish we are not so cocky as to call touch-n-go pieces of current affairs work as ‘documentaries’. If you think about it, this cockiness *right spelling?* comes from a huge sense of of ownership (Singapore’s TV industry is of course a monopoly).

Many may not realise that Ownership, if not checked and audited – will rear its ugly head called Control.When you are in control of the industry, you can define things the way you want them to be – an infotainment can be labelled as documentary, a news story can be labelled as a current affairs programme and the list goes on. Put that against Singapore’s backdrop of competitiveness, no one will really take the time (or have any) to reflect and make some noise about this shallowness. We are not known to be the kind of society who will question definitions, and I don’t think we will ever be. For the minority who do engage in such activities – they will be ridiculed.

For the above reasons, I cannot understand Singaporeans who complain, complain, complain about everything without thinking of a solution and the cause.They blame the government for all the high costs, the neighbours for all the noise, the police for all the crimes and the firemen for bushfires! How can you complain when you choose to disengage yourself from the evolution of something in the first place?! You choose to disown the process of defining, so do NOT complain when someone else define it for you.

Here’s a more micro example. My cousin owns an employment agency for foreign maids. Occasionally, she will have maids in transition who need to be housed for a few days before their next assignment. When her own home is full of maids (up to 4 at one time!), she will house them at our place.

Today, 2 such maids were at my place. One of them was crying – and when asked by my mum – we found out that her ex-employer terminated her contract within a few days and on top of that – refuses to let her take her bag of clothes home! The poor lady, a single mother of 4 from Indonesia and who is merely trying to make ends meet – now has nothing to wear except for a well-worn T-shirt and a pair of soft jeans she has on. You may ask why in the first place was her contract terminated suddenly – well, it is because she cut the chicken the wrong way and not according to what the employer asked her to. For that reason, the ex-employer take it upon herself to keep the poor maid’s bag of clothes as a ‘punishment’ for the mistake. Talk about definition, control and a warped sense of ownership!

I was speechless. Like most of you, my human instinct told me to execute damage control – so I ploughed through my closet and put together a bag of clothes that I can give her. A few T-shirts, pants, and several blouses. There was one particular T-shirt that I hesitated to put into the bag because it has sentimental value until, I reminded myself that it is only an act of giving when you give something you love, not something you don’t need. And so that T-shirt goes into the bag too.

Ownership and control is a lethal combination. The trouble with the human mind is – we tend to automatically shy away from intangible issues and not explore where within ourselves does a dangerous trait like this, lurks. Good for our soul? Why don’t YOU define that.

If you, like many others in my close circle wonder how I cope with a marriage geographically divided by a mean distance of 18,000 miles apart – the key factor is, none other than, – music. Sentimental music to be exact. It is not that I listen to it to soothe my nerves, I just shut it down these days.

Music is like a key to an entire floodgate of emotions in me. In a space where I need to keep check of my missing a loved one so badly, keep the rational-side of my brain dominant and maintaining the energy to not give up so easily on our endless job search for suitable work (for him) in Singapore, I simply cannot afford to listen to sentimental music. I cannot afford to cry cos I will break.

I had stopped singing in the bathroom, and recently, even in my mind. No hums while walking to the bus-stops either. If any, it is just the occasional zikir to keep myself calm.

It is indeed a sorry state for a music lover. I love singing, and my happiest days were when I used to jam every week – hijab securely on head, with the now-defunct band F & C in a small studio called Boon’s down at Macpherson Road. Those were the days.

How the band played Sarah MachLachlan’s ‘Angel’ every single week to get me warmed up for the repertoire of original-songs that the band members wrote, cos that was, and is still, my favourite song. So many a time that I sang ‘Angel’, until one day, Melvin Singh – whose daytime job is also to chase reporters to file stories for The New Paper – one day literally beat the drums and made all of us sang ‘Angel’ reggae-style! Hilarious.

Carl Baptista, who is now a new daddy and is still travelling in and out of Singapore as the world’s busiest pestbuster (Carl runs Origins Exterminators) will ask me over and over again to sing Anggun’s ‘Snow On The Sahara’, and how I will forget the lyrics every single time. I sure hope Carl sings that song to his new baby somehow…

I miss my music. I miss simply, the connection that music has with my emotions. But I cannot afford that right now. Not until we have settled our lives (*read: living in one country*). For now, music is NOT music to my ears.

Suddenly I am faced with a situation most managers hate to face – resignations! My entire English team is gone (actually, there are only 2 of them but hey, that IS an entire team)! Just 10 mins after I briefed my boss aka Publisher about it , another workhorse in the office gave us a heads up that she may not last till the end of the year. All their reasons for resigning from the publishing industry is the same – tired, exhausted and jaded. Some, were even dragging their feet to work. They also have youth, young age and hunger-for-more in common.

I bet this issue has been addressed by many a managing editors before. Okay, there is only ONE managing editor post, a few senior editors and never-too-many editors (*we publish 300 titles maah!* ah kan…teloh Sin-Cia-Por dah keluar) How do you let the younger ones see the big picture and keep them happpy. How do you let them see there is a track ahead of them, albeit the cone of hierarchy gets smaller and therefore more competitive? I dont know, and this one I really have to figure. Soon, others will feel the same and I want to nip this in the bud if I can. But how?!

‘Recruit page 16 – AlJazeera looking for Executive Producer – based in KL!:)

That was the content of a text message I received this morning from an economist friend. He was obviously pouring through the recruitment pages of The Straits Times today and was excited at the ad. Before my fingers could even start tapping away on the tiny keypad which is often too bloody small for my fat fingers, to reply his message (to say ‘Thanks, but I got a job now and like it!’) another text message came.

‘Am in Kl now – I got job 4u! AlJazeera is looking for Exec Producer. Will bring back the ad’.

This time, the text message came from my best friend who IS in KL, and obviously trawling the recruitment pages of a Malaysian paper.

Coincidence? Maybe. Excited? A little. But my calling? No.

I am not sure about if what happened today were signs to apply, but my heart says no. 3 years ago, back in 2003 when life was in a lonesome apartment in Cyberjaya, work involved crooks and lawyers (if you prefer to name the lawyers as crooks – you are granted that opinion too) and every day I read the Quran to finish it – signs were aplenty. Someone told me that when you are often alone and talking to God, your other dimension is very attuned to the universe and His message.

These days, my intuitive reaction to something alike the double text messages from 2 different people, in 2 different countries – would be err…it is just coincidence. But what is coincidence? Is it a sign? Sigh. So confusing!!

My husband says I should apply. But do one apply when one is not interested? I like my job, I am building myself and I want to focus and deliver.

He says he will apply for me anyway. Ah well…Suddenly the job-hunting focus is on me now. Is that a sign too?

The workplace is such a potpouri of characters. Some with political agendas, some lost in the motion, some completely clueless, some with ideal perfect-world scenarios, some with shifted priorities and some preoccupied with I-deserve-better mentalities. But they never leave!. So who works?

I have a fairly young team. Say 20s to late 30s tops. Most have been in the workforce for less than 5 years, and thus find the workplace as a very demanding, and stressful place for their youth. Their complaints are endless. Some don’t of course, but their drooped heads and endless sighs are very telling. On the upper crust (this is beginning to sound like a recipe!) there are those with bitterness to intense that I cannot escape a conversation with the person without having the person tell me at least some ‘insight’ into how things are run. Is that a form of naivity from someone who has been working for years, masked with a tad more sophistication? Hmmm…

My years have taught me that information is power. How you use the information, is a measure of your tenacity to survive, or fail – if I can borrow a term from Carolyn Kepcher’s book – spectacularly. The information and intelligence I gather will only help me to know how to deal with certain people so that the best result can be reaped – with a common goal in sight, and agreed by both parties.
The problem with office politics is, many get confused in between, and treat it as personal. These are usually the same people who claims, “I dont play office politics, I just want to work.” Bull.

I love dealing and managing people, cos I am dealing with the intangibles. It is a challenge (thats why i love it lah!) to stay principled, focus on the company’s goals and yet get the best from this array of characters who got confused along the way. It is a zoo, but hey – animals do entertain.

Incredible footage of the tidal wave rushing through the city centre at Banda Aceh.

Horrific, truly horrific.

MSNBC (IE only)

BBC

That’s what I will be tomorrow.If things did not turn out the way it was as written below by my husband, it would be an ME – MIA at MC. Okay stop it already.

I cannot bring myself to write about our escape from the tsunami. I have many thoughts in my mind, many perspectives, many philosophical takes to why we are alive – but I refuse to divulge them on a public domain. They are my secret thoughts and they will remain so. One night last week I realised how many times I escaped death while abroad – the road accident in New Zealand in 1994, the typhoon at Desaru in 2002 and the tsunami in Thailand in 2004. God has a way of telling me I have many more duties to do here in this world, and His message is loud and clear. Thank you Allah for this life, the rezeki you have given me, the love I am surrounded by, the friends and family who are priceless. Thank you Allah for the message you gave to the world about WHO has the real Weapon of Mass Destruction – and that message is loud and clear. Thank you Allah for creating bonds among us little beings in this world in kindness and relief – as we share our grief together for those who died and those who lost their loved ones.

All my problems are so little now. They are only huge in my small,little world. Shaz’s words when we part at the airport on Dec 30th 2004 would be something I treasure. ‘Dont cry. I am still here…still alive’.

2004 was a humility path for me – that ended with a bang.

Phuket. Two days. Two times lucky.

Two days — that’s the number of days we missed the tsunami by. Zuzan and I were in Phuket from Dec 21st 2004 to Dec 24th 2004. Zuzan wanted to extend our vacation by at least a day, but I nixed that idea because not only was she coughing (and vomiting occassionally) badly, I myself was coming down with a fever and cough. We found out later that she had bronchitis (and I caught it too). I never thought I would ever think, how lucky for us to get bronchitis! If we had extended our stay for an extra day, maybe we would have extended it for another day also… who knows. The bronchitis cutting short our vacation was our *second* lucky break actually.

Two times lucky — our first lucky break was cancelling our initial plans to go to Phuket during the Christmas weekend! I suggested to Zuzan, to invite her cousin Manja and hubby Zep along for our getaway weekend also. We wanted to take advantage of the Christmas long weekend, but Manja had only one day off left for the year, and could not get anymore time off. We then shifted our plans so that we went earlier during the week (although we wanted to take the Christmas weekend also, so we can spend more time together since I am in town only 12 days, instead of having to go through the inevitable invites to family functions during the holiday weekend).

The gravity of the tsunami didn’t hit us — friends had started to text message and call about our well-being, and I initially jokingly put off their concerns about our well-being (most didn’t know we came back on Christmas eve). That was until I saw the destruction and havoc on TV. Zuzan was crying for all the people that were dead, and also because of the realization about how lucky we were not to have experienced the horror of the tsunami.

We would have beared the brunt of it. Our hotel, Burasari Resort, was adjacent to the Holiday Inn at Patong Beach, the hardest hit beach on Phuket island. As you can see from the image to the right, the resort is not far from the beach (maybe 1 min walk). Our room was on the ground floor (it was a room with pool access straight from the balcony). I shudder to think what would have happened if we were in the room! More likely though, we would have been at sea on an excursion.

We went on several excursions during our stay, one was at Raya Island (Koh Racha Yai), an absolutely beautiful island, where most of the time we spent on Batok Bay, and also snorkeling around the other bays of the island. I fear for the tourists out on boats going to Raya Island on that fateful day. When the tsunami struck, most of them would be out snorkeling. Below is where Raya Island is:

We also went on the “James Bond Island 3-in-1 adventure”. We visited the location where they filmed parts of the James Bond movie “The Man With The Golden Gun”, which is on Koh Ping Gan (now famously known as, of course, James Bond Island). It was a fun longtail boat ride — but of course neither Zuzan or I have seen the movie, so the island wasn’t that much of an attraction for us. We also went on a sea canoe ride through the limestone caves, which was very underwhelming (for me at least). The apparent highlight (at least for the Europeans) was seeing mudskippers in the mud! Sigh. What was more interesting was, our visit to Koh Pannyi for lunch.

Koh Pannyi is a floating sea village near James Bond Island. It is a “sea gypsy” village that was erected about 200 years ago by three Muslim families from Indonesia whom emigrated to Thailand but were not allowed to settle in the mainland because the Buddhist population there didn’t want any Muslims to settle there, thus they settled on the sea itself. Currently, the population of Koh Pannyi is 1200 people, and they have a mosque, health centre and primary school in the floating village. The men of the village earn their living mostly as sea canoe peddlers, and the women run the gift shops and restaurants of the village. The location of Koh Pannyi and Koh Ping Gan is northeast of Phuket, in Phang Nga Bay (see yellow circle):

Here’s what the sea village looks like (top). Here’s a closer look of the right side of the sea village: sea village

I hope the villagers did not experience the tsunami at all, I couldn’t find much news about whether the tsunami affected them. However, I found some news that gave me some hope, it appears they escaped unscathed: news story

After Koh Pannyi, we were brought back to Phang Nga province to go to the Elephant preserve, where Zuzan and I got to ride elephants and see a baby elephant show. I really enjoyed the elephant ride! The highlight of the whole day I thought. We dubbed our elephant “Juan Montoya” (of F1 Racing fame) because he liked to cut off all the other elephants. The baby elephant show was fun, although at some points I didn’t feel so good because I felt they were being exploited, and it was quite demeaning. But then without tourist money they can not survive — I felt conflicted about that. All I thought about was — imagine if a “superior” alien race made humans captive and made us do tricks to earn our keep.

That was the end of our excursions — right after that I got sick, and Zuzan wasn’t getting better — and you know the rest of the story.

Phi Phi Island got hit quite bad by the tsunami also. Zuzan and I spent our honeymoon on Phi Phi Don Island (the northern phi phi island), at the Holiday Inn resort there, and we thought for sure it would have been wiped out by the tsunami. But reports on the Internet say that the resort escaped relatively unscathed, no doubt because of its northeasterly location (left image).

Thailand is a special place for us. Not only is it the place we spent our honeymoon in, we also celebrated our first wedding anniversary there (this trip was supposed to be our belated first wedding anniversary holiday). More so, its the Thai people that we have met and interacted with that we are concerned about. Tourism is their livelihood, and I can’t imagine how they are feeling right now — houses lost, relatives lost, livelihoods ruined. We will pray that they are safe. Our two Thai tour guides, “C” (easy to remember… A..B..”C”) and “King”, we hope you are safe, wherever you are!