Living it up

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I managed to find a similar scene to how our meetings look like at Planet Work, but of course, the Bhemdods are NOT as good looking as those potrayed in the picture.

I have thrown in my lightsaber. I am always spending time finding it – under the table, in the washroom, in my bag – all of which are not very conducive for me to make it in time to fight the dark forces of the Bhemdods. It does not help that I do have a compatriot who is err..a bit dense in the head and forever thinking that the lightsaber we are equipped with to fight the Bhemdods is for him to use as a pen. Sigh. So I have given up.

My last day at the Planet will be in a few weeks. I have given the Empress Dowager 6 weeks notice, way above the requirement of my notice period to give her time to figure things out and find my replacement. Generous am I? I don’t know. Maybe just plain stupid.

Much of my push factor to leave the Planet and is due to the fact that I am moving to Canada, finally. It will be the end of the year, and I am facing huge emotional and physical displacement issues but I am dealing with it, one day at a time. It has been very interesting handling post-resignation questions from friends. I have quite a few who asked – so how are you going to afford the spa sessions if you quit and freelance instead?! Goodness, for these ladies – their voices trembled, one of them had a face so white that I had a flash of brilliance that all her blood had actually flushed out of her wind system from The Crack where the sun refuses to penetrate, and another was earnest enough to say – “Let me guess…you bought a package!”.

A package I did buy! Do you think I would be so foolish as to quit a well-paying job and yet and not buy a package spa deal to ensure that I still get my dosage of kneads and aromatherapy scents, every month? When I am on that spa-table, my Toye look (refer to the Ostrich below, who IS my Toye Yoda) degenerates into a smiling animal – almost stealing the summer look of a mountain goat. I have not, however, beaten my cousin’s record of drooling through the round hole while lying face down on the spa table though. Dia tertidur. Tak glam langsung!

So yes, I will miss the scene above soon. After all, it is only during such meetings that I am able to practise my Toye look. As most of you know, I fail often to ‘look it’.

I am letting the Bhemdods live in their own little world, finally.

The Power of Muka Toye

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Dear Ostrich,

How I envy you. That smug you have on your face is what I yearn for to survive my battles with the Bhemdod Aliens at Planet Work, and these past few days, I have been making progress. It is THAT smug that has driven the Bhemdod Diva up the wall, and oh, how she has complained to the Dowager about me not validating her existence. Yes Ostrich, we do have children in the office. All wrapped up in a 40-ish year old physique, breathing and forever charting her political moves to kill someone in the office. How fun for us. How pathetic of her.

Your hairy look is in, Ostrich. It is the latest, hip and happening look to have. I advocate it to my staff, and they all love it. It is the kind of look that gives nothing, hints nothing and reacts to nothing. It is totally unreadable for political players, and with this, I get to ignore all the dark forces and just persevere on with my work duties. Politics aplenty, I still have to publish 24 books by the end of the year.

So how did you acquire the look, dear Ostrich? I mean, how do you have it on your face 24/7? I know I mentioned I made progress, but sometimes I fail. Sigh. I try to have the Toye look during Heads’ Meetings, but sometimes my Toye attempts broke into frowns instead. Ah, you should scrutinise my forehead now, Ostrich. I have 2 permanent frown lines – thanks to 9 years of sinking my hands dirty into the newspaper, magazine and now book publishing industries. But for the last 6 months, I do notice that my frown lines are looking more and more like the Mariana Trench. Gua tak boleh carrey. Do you think facials will work, Ostrich? You don’t seem to have any frown lines on you.

Yes, I know. You mentioned that it is my lack of practice. I promise that I will. I’ll perfect the look. YOUR look. It is priceless Ostrich. It is after all, a look that spells sophisticated serenity.

Steady lah, Ostrich. Your Toye look rocks!