Stop the music.

If you, like many others in my close circle wonder how I cope with a marriage geographically divided by a mean distance of 18,000 miles apart – the key factor is, none other than, – music. Sentimental music to be exact. It is not that I listen to it to soothe my nerves, I just shut it down these days.

Music is like a key to an entire floodgate of emotions in me. In a space where I need to keep check of my missing a loved one so badly, keep the rational-side of my brain dominant and maintaining the energy to not give up so easily on our endless job search for suitable work (for him) in Singapore, I simply cannot afford to listen to sentimental music. I cannot afford to cry cos I will break.

I had stopped singing in the bathroom, and recently, even in my mind. No hums while walking to the bus-stops either. If any, it is just the occasional zikir to keep myself calm.

It is indeed a sorry state for a music lover. I love singing, and my happiest days were when I used to jam every week – hijab securely on head, with the now-defunct band F & C in a small studio called Boon’s down at Macpherson Road. Those were the days.

How the band played Sarah MachLachlan’s ‘Angel’ every single week to get me warmed up for the repertoire of original-songs that the band members wrote, cos that was, and is still, my favourite song. So many a time that I sang ‘Angel’, until one day, Melvin Singh – whose daytime job is also to chase reporters to file stories for The New Paper – one day literally beat the drums and made all of us sang ‘Angel’ reggae-style! Hilarious.

Carl Baptista, who is now a new daddy and is still travelling in and out of Singapore as the world’s busiest pestbuster (Carl runs Origins Exterminators) will ask me over and over again to sing Anggun’s ‘Snow On The Sahara’, and how I will forget the lyrics every single time. I sure hope Carl sings that song to his new baby somehow…

I miss my music. I miss simply, the connection that music has with my emotions. But I cannot afford that right now. Not until we have settled our lives (*read: living in one country*). For now, music is NOT music to my ears.


  1. Lagu apa tu Kak Teh…?!When Kak Teh sings I have to make donni or else I will cry too – out of repressed laughter…auuuuuuuuuuuuu!! Auuuuuu!!!!!!!!! 😉

  2. Aiyo…kalau kau dengan Kak Teh nyanyi, I will run beribu batu bruddeerr!!!! Tatuuuttt!!!!

  3. alahai.. sentimental betul. but kan, dibalik ceritamu, memang betul tau, kalau kita ikotkan rasa depress, dengar lagu depressing, tulis cerita depressing, makin depress ler hal ehwal segalanya..but keep on thinking happy thoughts. nanti aku bayar si badut tu nyanyi kan ko satu lagu.. “jerangkung dalam almari”– go is go! ni nak tanya ni, what telah happen to your blog the past couple of days?

  4. watchumin? watchumin?
    My blog tukar-tukar template – you mean? Haizz…every weekend my niece tolong cari nice template, tapi ada ajer yang tak kena. Kerana dah penat – i settle for the old template again. I know its obit…

  5. zeus,

    mintak tolong…maizurah sent me the phone number of kak dayang, that single mom with lymphoma….somehow i can’t capture it. can you ask her to send it again urgently.

    tried to call you but can’t get thru….

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