Still Thinking…

Ah oh. I really shouldn’t be blogging and make preps for the birthday do tonight. But I can’t help it, I waited for that time-stamp on my blog for 4 years. So a little distraction just to document it will be ok, wouldn’t it?

Anyway, I always feel so very lucky on the 29th. It is a weird feeling to be a leap year baby, and I recall my tiny fingers scrawling the number ’29’ in a red marker, on the calendar on some years when there is no leap day.

I got my semi-surprised birthday gift from DH at the stroke of midnight last night. I was, of all things, slumped unceremoniously in front of my Mac – staring hard at the Canada Revenue website (yes, DEFINITELY unceremonious!). There were some company matters to attend to, and I was reading through tax (*read: BORING) information. At 11.59 pm, DH burst into the homeoffice with a little wrapped box in hand. I was of course super excited and opened it. It was …errr.. a box of matches. It came with a note that says the real present has ‘walked’ away…and it is somewhere near the keyboard. Oh well…I have a treasure hunt to participate!

It was a lovely gift. And very timely too. You see, in the past month or so – we have been taking walks around the neighbourhood. In my true Asian fashion, I will ONLY wear whats comfortable on my feet – and with evening temperatures sometimes hitting below zero degrees, nothing else matters. I have been walking with my Rockport sandals because they were the most comfortable for me, even if they are open-toed ones! Yes, I have been walking in below zero temperature (on some nights) with just socks and sandals warming my feet. My trainers were broken, and I didn’t want to buy a pair just for the sake of buying one. I am pretty happy with my Rockports, thank you.

So to Nike DH went for my birthday gift – all nicely wrapped in a huge orange bow.

The usual wishes came through various means, via Facebook, MSN, SMS, phonecalls and emails. Thank God for technology. I don’t remember having to reply to so many birthday wishes all at the same time.

I woke up this morning with a quiet conversation with God, thanking Him for his many bounties in all of my years.

Then, an email came from my cousins. The title was “The Secret of Leap Years” and I thought it was a forwarded email of sorts. It was around 7.30 am, I was sleepy and opened it. My cousin had made a video of some really funny photos with some funny twisted stories, complete with wishes from my family. Goodness..that video made me laughed so hard and bawled like a kid. I don’t really know why I was bawling, and we were laughing it all off over Skype a few minutes later. He even bought a cake and 9 candles as ‘prop’, made his kids sing a birthday song and blow it for me just for the camera . LOL. That’s one birthday cake I DON’T get to eat.

The last message on the video was from Mak. It was a classic birthday message from her – it always end with a reminder on not forgetting God and prayers.

I will always remember Mak’s story about the day I was born. She said there has been a huge thunderstorm while she was in labour in that small clinic called Chong Clinic I think, and my late Mak Ngah was getting nervous for my birth. She made a nazar for Mak’s safe labour, and apparently after I was born – the storm subsided. In the midst of all these attention I am getting on this leap birthday, 2 women stay central in my heart.

Arwah Mak Ngah for her prayers for Mak, and my sweet mum for teaching me what Ihsan means even when I didn’t understand its true meaning then.

Thank you Allah for all your gifts. I have so much to be thankful for, and I pray You bless many others with the same, if not more.

View in winter and summer

This past month has been energy sapping, but the most fulfilling of 2008 so far. It is a strange combination of a very loose grip on what kind of certainty the future holds as well as resounding faith that He has a very big plan. The latter, excites DH and I of course. We are waiting, in firm faith, for the very gentle, enveloping wind.

We have had a very peaceful closure to losing Cookie to the urban jungle, and are very centered on the fact that he was either rescued and taken in by another pet-lover in the neighbourhood, or had died. Both ways, we are thankful for the many fun moments we had with him, even those days when he peed on our pants every time we try to take him to the vet! Those were the days. Cookie remains a special pet to both of us (although between DH and I, the number of pets we had combined can somewhat qualify to be a mini-zoo!). We remember him very fondly, and talk about him often. We left his fate to God, and make constant du’a for his wellbeing if he is alive. The rest, is really not in our hands.

In replacement, Smokey was sent our way. It was a very strange turn of events where Smokey, who lived in the Mission home, was left without anyone taking her in when we all moved out (she is fed and watched over while the house was in the market for sale). There were a few families interested to take her in, but my FIL (who loves Smokey dearly) was reluctant to agree. So her new home status was somehow left in the air. When Cookie went missing and the search for him remain fruitless, DH and I could not stop thinking that perhaps this is all God’s arrangement to ensure Smokey gets a new home, and that new home is actually ours. We took her in late December, and she has been the sweetest cat ever since. She is a hunter and was the one who taught Cookie most of his hunting and outdoor skills, when we all lived in Mission.

There are a few things brewing on the workfront, and I find it very rewarding navigating the maze. I am so thankful at how much help God has given me this past year, and how He guided me to tread the tempestous waters of TV broadcasting here. Such invisible hands. I really don’t want to lose that, insya’allah.

And so this entry was a quick insight that I felt during yesterday’s Tafsir class. I have been very mindful of the popularity of The Secret worldwide, and know of many instances where people attribute their new successes to The Secret’s principles of self-empowerment and visualing positive thoughts. On a very superficial level, critics would dismiss The Secret as a pop-version of positive thinking, without the psycho-babble. Normally, I would have been okay with that. But I felt that there was more, but I couldn’t point a finger at what it was that I find uncomfortable about The Secret.

Yesterday, I think I finally got it. It was this resting of your destiny and fate in your own hands, a manifestation of arrogance and pride – that does not rest well with me. It is antithetic to taqwa, in surrendering and remembering God. I want to work hard for my keep, only if God wills it and the keep makes me closer to Him. I am frightful of wanting something , that will make me loose that taqwa grip. It is so easy to do that. We are all no saints. I am sure we can agree on that at least.

So the principles of The Secret, if you are not careful, will bring you to that point where you do not surrender in its true sense. You can be whispering to yourself “I am visualising positive things, but I know God will determine if I get it or not” and think that is okay. Would that mean we are asking first, giving (to Him) second? I think so. Giving in this context refers to increasing our taqwa, abiding His commandments and contributing to the ummah.

I feel that if we ask the “universe” for what we want, as how The Secret people puts it – we are weaving a very thin line of arrogance (to God’s mercy) and ungratefulness (to what He has given us). Even if by the term “universe” – they are actually referring to God and making Him pop-culturish. It is like without paying the rent, you ask the houseowner if you can stay for the next year.

It is no secret that we have to say our thanks to God for many things, including your ability to move your eyes right now to read this blog post this far. Just check the 3 books of the world’s monotheistic faiths, and count how many times He asks mankind to remember and be thankful to Him.

And that, is no big secret.

Video by MAS Media Foundation.
Music by Kareem Salama (www.kareemsalama.com), a Muslim country musician.

Glorious.

Some years ago, I recall bumping into a pair of dog-owners in a typically humid Singapore park (in Tampines), obviously walking their dog. There was nothing strange to that sight, but it was baffling to see the dog’s breed. It was a husky, an obviously unhappy one. The best phrase I can describe the dog is – it looked drained. Then, the only real husky I have seen was a gorgeous furry one on a roadtrip in Canada, and it was love at first sight for me- because the husky was so obviously enjoying the whiffs of the cold wind against his face, his eyes glistening with joy. The husky I saw in Singapore, was far from glistening from ANY kind of joy.

Two years on and I was back in Singapore again. I read a local story with much anger and frustration. Some chap decided to own a husky, kept him tied outside his landed property house (in a typical Singapore heat of 32 degrees, mind you!) and didn’t care much about the dog’s welfare. I think the observant neighbours called the SPCA, and the cruelty made news. I was fuming then, and remember ranting to DH about it.

Now, this year, I got to interact quite a bit with these lovely dogs in Alberta. These are trained, running huskies, whose daily ‘job’ is to run sleds across fields of snow and frozen lakes. I saw how they rolled on the snow with glee, barked in in excitement and most of all, that glisten of joy in their eyes were etched perpetually. I appreciate how much these huskies are born for the cold weather, the Canadian-kind of cold weather may I add – the kind of cold that even some Canadians define as punishing. I therefore, cannot fathom why would supposedly dog-‘lovers’, a definition I contest in this case, would keep huskies in Singapore when the weather is so unnatural for these canines.

Today, a friend told me about her ex-neighbours who used to own not one, but TWO huskies in their HDB flat. They are walked every day, but even if the dogs are being walked at dawn or dusk (when the weather in Singapore is the coolest) and possibly kept in air-conditioned rooms 24/7, the huskies are still being kept as pets in their most unnatural state, cooped up in a concrete jungle. I am so ready to take on the debate about ‘cruelty to animals’ without batting an eyelid with the Singapore husky-owners.

I was also told about how owning huskies in Singapore has become a trend now. People are seen walking them in parks and beaches, and in increasing numbers.

It will be a long shot, but I really hope the authorities (the AVA) will come in to at least ban huskies in Singapore. It is ridiculous and totally unacceptable to have a cold-weather dog like the husky in an island enveloped by tropical heat. In some ways, it is almost a joke. I googled and just saw an ad for a white husky puppy going for SGD$1,388 – and there were a few interested queries. Seems like the husky is a coveted pet.

I realised that there is a very thin line between animal lovers, and animal posers. I hope Singapore husky owners know that they cannot win this argument, no matter how they try.Deep down, if they truly care for their animals, it is not hard to believe that they do. They just let their desire to have an exotic animal (at least for tropical Singapore) for showy purposes rule their better judgement. That to me, is a very sad state of affairs for a nation of thinking adults.

The next time you see them walking their huskies at the parks or beaches, look at them direct in the eye and ask if they REALLY think their dogs are happy with the Singapore weather. And then pat yourself in the back for doing your part to stop these ultimate animal posers.

The huskies can’t talk back, but YOU can.

PS: Huskies (including the popular American and Siberian ones, are banned and restricted from ownership in the US. And the last I checked most of the US are located within the Northern Hemisphere. Hah. Go figure. )

Dear Cookie,

I hope you are safe, wherever you are. You are very much missed,and your absence have been keeping both of us anxious at night – from both ends of the globe. I hope someone has found you, and have generously kept you warm and fed in their home .

It has been 5 long days and I pray that you will one day find your way to the cat door. Your bowl of food and your favourite toy is right there waiting for you. I am even looking at a live webcam setup just for you, in case you walk in and I can see you.

I remember the day of my departure for SG, you were jumping happily on the frosted grass and was looking at me over the hedge.You made me walk back into the garden and play hide-and-seek with you for a minute or two more, so that you will get distracted. The last time I saw you was when you joyfully hopped your way to the shed.

Stay safe Cookie. We will never give up looking for you.

A recent tragedy happened at the very same airport that I frequent. I cannot describe to you how incredibly sad the story is, the story of a 40-year old Polish man who took the first flight of his life to be in Canada and get reunited with his waiting mother.

The story is all over the news here in Canada. The Polish man is a new immigrant, and does not speak English. He arrived at the Vancouver International Airport and waited for at the baggage area for his mother, as instructed. For some reason they never found each other, and his mum returned to Kamloops, several hours drive away – possibly worried.

What happened was that the man was at the airport, waited for his mum and was hanging around the airport baggage claim area for 6 hours. Many who read the story were perplexed why wouldn’t any airport staff approach him and find a translator to communicate with him, but that’s another issue. After that many hours of waiting for your mother in a new country, not speaking any English and possibly very hungry and thirsty as well – anyone would be agitated. He was and he did throw some tantrums and the security and police were called.

The police came. They saw him, he was not even violent – just agitated I would say. The police were told by people at the airport that he does not speak English but they still did. He walked away and he was tasered. And the man died.

The mum, who by now has returned to Kamloops, were told by airport staff that they have located her son. She drove back to Vancouver and I can only imagine how relieved she must have felt and how excited she was to have her son in Canada. Instead of the warm embrace she was possibly looking forward to, the mother had a lifeless body to hold.

When this story first broke, the reactions were many. I followed the story closely and was waiting anxiously for the video of the incident to be released. The video was recorded by a passenger who was at the incident. When it was broadcasted last night, I cried alone in my living room. I saw the Polish man’s confused face and could not believe how rough the police was to a confused man.

This morning, DH and I talked abt the incident again. Then he told me that the mother could have flown the son direct from Poland to Kamloops, but wanted him to stop at Vancouver so that she can take him on the long drive from Vancouver to Kamloops. Why? Because she wanted him to see how beautiful Canada is. I cried. Again. And again.

There are many news report that affect me. Some are stories that I myself have to report as a journalist back then, and many of them remain vaguely in my memory.But this one, I think, is one I truly cannot forget.

I leave you with the video to make your own judgement.

Hmmm…feels like back home, doesn’t it?
Notice how ‘Smith’ is way down in the pile.
Here is a list of Vancouver’s most common surnames, in ascending order.

WONG 2,928
LEE 2,543
CHAN 1,927
CHEN 1,123
LI 1,111
LEUNG 873
LAM 869
SMITH 848
NG 771
WANG 766

I have been a fervent non-champion of anything fiction. I don’t grow up with novels, yes including the romance ones that my eldest sister and late cousin used to devour. I did read a book or two of Enid Blyton, and the several books I got for birthday presents and everything else was a blur.

Now when it comes to non-fiction, you are talking about different levels with me. I lurvee to see logic and congruity. I love facts when they are backed up, even leftist opinions at that. I like clever twists, only when facts are involved. I get more excited by the opinion that reality is a perception… oh what millions of pandora boxes that opens!!

My non-affiliation with fiction extended to tv and movies.DH will be the first to testify he hates, make that HATES watching anything fiction with me. I have a million questions (and comments) on why that character did this and that, why the plot twist must be to THAT way, and what was the writer thinking of when he pulled out THAT surprise. He thinks I am obsessed with tearing things apart, and I always argued back it is because it is my inability to appreciate fiction as much he does. (DH is the kind of audience any producer loves. He watches episodes after episodes of his favourite drama series back to back, and knows the characters so well he can write a 500 page dossier psychonalysing them).

Now, I think I agree with him. I have not told him this of course, I am writing this away safely locked in our home office while he is , well, watching another episode of Heroes. How I come to this realisation is uncanny.

I recently commissioned an experienced TV writer to write a mini-bible for a drama series we are developing. He wrote a 10-pager, sent it in and the drill was to get a colleague in the SG office to review it, while I work on other things involved in getting the pilot commissioned. After all, I am not a drama fan, and my closest partner and colleague in SG knows that well.

When the draft came in, I was scrutinising the pages with a red pen, read and re-read it again – sitting down at my desk, slouched on the sofa with my MacBook, horizontal on my bed …you get the idea. I went through the lines, the choice of names, the continuity of the scenes and I don’t know what else. Mind you, this is only the mini-bible – NOT the script. I had so many comments about this and that, I cannot wait to speak with the said writer.

Now… if you use logic – how can a non-drama fan, who would rather blog than to watch Heroes with her husband in the living room, be so critical of a drama in development? I don’t see the connection at all. Am I a champion of dramas? No. The only connection I see is the fact that I want to see congruity – and the only way to do that is by tearing things up.

So DH is right? Brrr. Now don’t you go telling him that. That would be a spoiler, and we don’t want scenes like that too early in the plot. Hahahaha…