Still Thinking…

I am a sucker for things I cannot do well. I gravitate towards it, spend months psyching myself that I CAN do it, fail brilliantly – and then pat myself on the back and said to myself that I tried. By some curious self-study, I realise that all these gigs involve the water.

Having an intimate love-hate relationship with the water is something that grew out of a deep fear of it since I was 6. I was swimming in the then East Coast Lagoon, somehow managed to reach the wooden platform floating in the middle of the lagoon and climbed on it like any curious 6-year old would. I was with my sisters and cousins, and I remembered sitting on the edge of the platform and hanging my 2 liitle legs out into the water, singing away. The next thing I know, someone pushed me from behind and splash I go into the water, struggling to keep afloat. I was saved by my cousin, but I swear to you, even till today – within the 15 seconds or so I was submerged inside the water, I saw an octopus. I did. I really did. I told everyone when I was ashore, but no one believed me. Now that I am older, I can rationalise it as hallucination since I must have been in deep fear when I was in the water, but the fear remains – never mind that the octopus is obviously gone and barbequed somewhere.

Anyway, since then, I was fearful to swim. A mandatory class to learn swimming in secondary school did not help me, I failed it because I could not take the test. When I was 24, I was determined to not let this water fear ruled my life, and this was when the water-challenge mission came to my life, and never left until today. I learnt how to swim from a lady whom I interviewed for a diving story for the paper I worked for, and she was the most patient instructor I know. Despite the fact that the night lesssons at the Anglo CHinese School at Barker Road meant eerie conditions due to the big, menacing, creepy-looking trees – I persevered, along with a few other friends. I wouldn’t say I am a good swimmer, but enough to gain some confidence to challenge the water again.

A few years later, I remembered how I had missed the fun my hostelmates had during their divijng trip to Tioman just because I was fearful of it. It took months for me to brave myself for it, and finally I did – not without its drama. During one practice session, I stood for 20 minutes on edge of the RIver Valley Swimming Pool – all suit-up, oxygen tank in place, regulator in my mouth – but I couldn’t. An old boyfriend then, along with my diving instructor were already in the pool and coaxing me to overcome my fear of jumping in – but all my 6 year old fear, octopus included, came rushing into my mind. I ended up sitting by the side of the pool – crying. By the way, I never had that diving license. I finished the entire course, but did not take the test. Wimp.

And then now, living so close to the Rockies and right in the heart of beautiful British Columbia – another water challenge came peering into my face. I have been telling DH that I WILL do the white-water rafting, even if I had to start with the Class 1 rapids (rapids come in categories of classes from 1-6 . CLass 6 being something like the aggressive gush of the Niagara Falls). There is a nearby white water river called the Chilliwack River and another one called the Thomson River which seems to be beckoning, but by my own record – I would need at least a few months to psyche myself up. By then, summer will be over and the water level may be too high or too low to raft. So how?

I don’t really want to see myself ‘fail brilliantly’, but I know I may just will. Maybe I should borrow SIL’s rubber dingy and practice floating on it in the river next to our house instead, that would be more methodical and gradual in building rafting-confidence wouldn’t it? Then again, thats boring – cause I am setting myself to successfully conquer the water. Its weird, but it seems the fact that no one believed my octopus story became a motivation for me to always do something which I know I cannot do so easily.

Look at what a 28-year-old incident did to me.So when your child said they saw an octopus in that pool or lagoon, please, do believe it.