Still Thinking…

View in winter and summer

This past month has been energy sapping, but the most fulfilling of 2008 so far. It is a strange combination of a very loose grip on what kind of certainty the future holds as well as resounding faith that He has a very big plan. The latter, excites DH and I of course. We are waiting, in firm faith, for the very gentle, enveloping wind.

We have had a very peaceful closure to losing Cookie to the urban jungle, and are very centered on the fact that he was either rescued and taken in by another pet-lover in the neighbourhood, or had died. Both ways, we are thankful for the many fun moments we had with him, even those days when he peed on our pants every time we try to take him to the vet! Those were the days. Cookie remains a special pet to both of us (although between DH and I, the number of pets we had combined can somewhat qualify to be a mini-zoo!). We remember him very fondly, and talk about him often. We left his fate to God, and make constant du’a for his wellbeing if he is alive. The rest, is really not in our hands.

In replacement, Smokey was sent our way. It was a very strange turn of events where Smokey, who lived in the Mission home, was left without anyone taking her in when we all moved out (she is fed and watched over while the house was in the market for sale). There were a few families interested to take her in, but my FIL (who loves Smokey dearly) was reluctant to agree. So her new home status was somehow left in the air. When Cookie went missing and the search for him remain fruitless, DH and I could not stop thinking that perhaps this is all God’s arrangement to ensure Smokey gets a new home, and that new home is actually ours. We took her in late December, and she has been the sweetest cat ever since. She is a hunter and was the one who taught Cookie most of his hunting and outdoor skills, when we all lived in Mission.

There are a few things brewing on the workfront, and I find it very rewarding navigating the maze. I am so thankful at how much help God has given me this past year, and how He guided me to tread the tempestous waters of TV broadcasting here. Such invisible hands. I really don’t want to lose that, insya’allah.

And so this entry was a quick insight that I felt during yesterday’s Tafsir class. I have been very mindful of the popularity of The Secret worldwide, and know of many instances where people attribute their new successes to The Secret’s principles of self-empowerment and visualing positive thoughts. On a very superficial level, critics would dismiss The Secret as a pop-version of positive thinking, without the psycho-babble. Normally, I would have been okay with that. But I felt that there was more, but I couldn’t point a finger at what it was that I find uncomfortable about The Secret.

Yesterday, I think I finally got it. It was this resting of your destiny and fate in your own hands, a manifestation of arrogance and pride – that does not rest well with me. It is antithetic to taqwa, in surrendering and remembering God. I want to work hard for my keep, only if God wills it and the keep makes me closer to Him. I am frightful of wanting something , that will make me loose that taqwa grip. It is so easy to do that. We are all no saints. I am sure we can agree on that at least.

So the principles of The Secret, if you are not careful, will bring you to that point where you do not surrender in its true sense. You can be whispering to yourself “I am visualising positive things, but I know God will determine if I get it or not” and think that is okay. Would that mean we are asking first, giving (to Him) second? I think so. Giving in this context refers to increasing our taqwa, abiding His commandments and contributing to the ummah.

I feel that if we ask the “universe” for what we want, as how The Secret people puts it – we are weaving a very thin line of arrogance (to God’s mercy) and ungratefulness (to what He has given us). Even if by the term “universe” – they are actually referring to God and making Him pop-culturish. It is like without paying the rent, you ask the houseowner if you can stay for the next year.

It is no secret that we have to say our thanks to God for many things, including your ability to move your eyes right now to read this blog post this far. Just check the 3 books of the world’s monotheistic faiths, and count how many times He asks mankind to remember and be thankful to Him.

And that, is no big secret.

Video by MAS Media Foundation.
Music by Kareem Salama (www.kareemsalama.com), a Muslim country musician.

Glorious.

Some years ago, I recall bumping into a pair of dog-owners in a typically humid Singapore park (in Tampines), obviously walking their dog. There was nothing strange to that sight, but it was baffling to see the dog’s breed. It was a husky, an obviously unhappy one. The best phrase I can describe the dog is – it looked drained. Then, the only real husky I have seen was a gorgeous furry one on a roadtrip in Canada, and it was love at first sight for me- because the husky was so obviously enjoying the whiffs of the cold wind against his face, his eyes glistening with joy. The husky I saw in Singapore, was far from glistening from ANY kind of joy.

Two years on and I was back in Singapore again. I read a local story with much anger and frustration. Some chap decided to own a husky, kept him tied outside his landed property house (in a typical Singapore heat of 32 degrees, mind you!) and didn’t care much about the dog’s welfare. I think the observant neighbours called the SPCA, and the cruelty made news. I was fuming then, and remember ranting to DH about it.

Now, this year, I got to interact quite a bit with these lovely dogs in Alberta. These are trained, running huskies, whose daily ‘job’ is to run sleds across fields of snow and frozen lakes. I saw how they rolled on the snow with glee, barked in in excitement and most of all, that glisten of joy in their eyes were etched perpetually. I appreciate how much these huskies are born for the cold weather, the Canadian-kind of cold weather may I add – the kind of cold that even some Canadians define as punishing. I therefore, cannot fathom why would supposedly dog-’lovers’, a definition I contest in this case, would keep huskies in Singapore when the weather is so unnatural for these canines.

Today, a friend told me about her ex-neighbours who used to own not one, but TWO huskies in their HDB flat. They are walked every day, but even if the dogs are being walked at dawn or dusk (when the weather in Singapore is the coolest) and possibly kept in air-conditioned rooms 24/7, the huskies are still being kept as pets in their most unnatural state, cooped up in a concrete jungle. I am so ready to take on the debate about ‘cruelty to animals’ without batting an eyelid with the Singapore husky-owners.

I was also told about how owning huskies in Singapore has become a trend now. People are seen walking them in parks and beaches, and in increasing numbers.

It will be a long shot, but I really hope the authorities (the AVA) will come in to at least ban huskies in Singapore. It is ridiculous and totally unacceptable to have a cold-weather dog like the husky in an island enveloped by tropical heat. In some ways, it is almost a joke. I googled and just saw an ad for a white husky puppy going for SGD$1,388 – and there were a few interested queries. Seems like the husky is a coveted pet.

I realised that there is a very thin line between animal lovers, and animal posers. I hope Singapore husky owners know that they cannot win this argument, no matter how they try.Deep down, if they truly care for their animals, it is not hard to believe that they do. They just let their desire to have an exotic animal (at least for tropical Singapore) for showy purposes rule their better judgement. That to me, is a very sad state of affairs for a nation of thinking adults.

The next time you see them walking their huskies at the parks or beaches, look at them direct in the eye and ask if they REALLY think their dogs are happy with the Singapore weather. And then pat yourself in the back for doing your part to stop these ultimate animal posers.

The huskies can’t talk back, but YOU can.

PS: Huskies (including the popular American and Siberian ones, are banned and restricted from ownership in the US. And the last I checked most of the US are located within the Northern Hemisphere. Hah. Go figure. )

Dear Cookie,

I hope you are safe, wherever you are. You are very much missed,and your absence have been keeping both of us anxious at night – from both ends of the globe. I hope someone has found you, and have generously kept you warm and fed in their home .

It has been 5 long days and I pray that you will one day find your way to the cat door. Your bowl of food and your favourite toy is right there waiting for you. I am even looking at a live webcam setup just for you, in case you walk in and I can see you.

I remember the day of my departure for SG, you were jumping happily on the frosted grass and was looking at me over the hedge.You made me walk back into the garden and play hide-and-seek with you for a minute or two more, so that you will get distracted. The last time I saw you was when you joyfully hopped your way to the shed.

Stay safe Cookie. We will never give up looking for you.

A recent tragedy happened at the very same airport that I frequent. I cannot describe to you how incredibly sad the story is, the story of a 40-year old Polish man who took the first flight of his life to be in Canada and get reunited with his waiting mother.

The story is all over the news here in Canada. The Polish man is a new immigrant, and does not speak English. He arrived at the Vancouver International Airport and waited for at the baggage area for his mother, as instructed. For some reason they never found each other, and his mum returned to Kamloops, several hours drive away – possibly worried.

What happened was that the man was at the airport, waited for his mum and was hanging around the airport baggage claim area for 6 hours. Many who read the story were perplexed why wouldn’t any airport staff approach him and find a translator to communicate with him, but that’s another issue. After that many hours of waiting for your mother in a new country, not speaking any English and possibly very hungry and thirsty as well – anyone would be agitated. He was and he did throw some tantrums and the security and police were called.

The police came. They saw him, he was not even violent – just agitated I would say. The police were told by people at the airport that he does not speak English but they still did. He walked away and he was tasered. And the man died.

The mum, who by now has returned to Kamloops, were told by airport staff that they have located her son. She drove back to Vancouver and I can only imagine how relieved she must have felt and how excited she was to have her son in Canada. Instead of the warm embrace she was possibly looking forward to, the mother had a lifeless body to hold.

When this story first broke, the reactions were many. I followed the story closely and was waiting anxiously for the video of the incident to be released. The video was recorded by a passenger who was at the incident. When it was broadcasted last night, I cried alone in my living room. I saw the Polish man’s confused face and could not believe how rough the police was to a confused man.

This morning, DH and I talked abt the incident again. Then he told me that the mother could have flown the son direct from Poland to Kamloops, but wanted him to stop at Vancouver so that she can take him on the long drive from Vancouver to Kamloops. Why? Because she wanted him to see how beautiful Canada is. I cried. Again. And again.

There are many news report that affect me. Some are stories that I myself have to report as a journalist back then, and many of them remain vaguely in my memory.But this one, I think, is one I truly cannot forget.

I leave you with the video to make your own judgement.

Hmmm…feels like back home, doesn’t it?
Notice how ‘Smith’ is way down in the pile.
Here is a list of Vancouver’s most common surnames, in ascending order.

WONG 2,928
LEE 2,543
CHAN 1,927
CHEN 1,123
LI 1,111
LEUNG 873
LAM 869
SMITH 848
NG 771
WANG 766

I have been a fervent non-champion of anything fiction. I don’t grow up with novels, yes including the romance ones that my eldest sister and late cousin used to devour. I did read a book or two of Enid Blyton, and the several books I got for birthday presents and everything else was a blur.

Now when it comes to non-fiction, you are talking about different levels with me. I lurvee to see logic and congruity. I love facts when they are backed up, even leftist opinions at that. I like clever twists, only when facts are involved. I get more excited by the opinion that reality is a perception… oh what millions of pandora boxes that opens!!

My non-affiliation with fiction extended to tv and movies.DH will be the first to testify he hates, make that HATES watching anything fiction with me. I have a million questions (and comments) on why that character did this and that, why the plot twist must be to THAT way, and what was the writer thinking of when he pulled out THAT surprise. He thinks I am obsessed with tearing things apart, and I always argued back it is because it is my inability to appreciate fiction as much he does. (DH is the kind of audience any producer loves. He watches episodes after episodes of his favourite drama series back to back, and knows the characters so well he can write a 500 page dossier psychonalysing them).

Now, I think I agree with him. I have not told him this of course, I am writing this away safely locked in our home office while he is , well, watching another episode of Heroes. How I come to this realisation is uncanny.

I recently commissioned an experienced TV writer to write a mini-bible for a drama series we are developing. He wrote a 10-pager, sent it in and the drill was to get a colleague in the SG office to review it, while I work on other things involved in getting the pilot commissioned. After all, I am not a drama fan, and my closest partner and colleague in SG knows that well.

When the draft came in, I was scrutinising the pages with a red pen, read and re-read it again – sitting down at my desk, slouched on the sofa with my MacBook, horizontal on my bed …you get the idea. I went through the lines, the choice of names, the continuity of the scenes and I don’t know what else. Mind you, this is only the mini-bible – NOT the script. I had so many comments about this and that, I cannot wait to speak with the said writer.

Now… if you use logic – how can a non-drama fan, who would rather blog than to watch Heroes with her husband in the living room, be so critical of a drama in development? I don’t see the connection at all. Am I a champion of dramas? No. The only connection I see is the fact that I want to see congruity – and the only way to do that is by tearing things up.

So DH is right? Brrr. Now don’t you go telling him that. That would be a spoiler, and we don’t want scenes like that too early in the plot. Hahahaha…

Ahhh…the things we take for granted. My Singaporean self is so used to celebrating Eid or Hari Raya on the same day, yesterday’s hulla-bulloo was a tad overwhelming and regardless, very exciting!

It started the moment I parked my car at Kerrisdale, heart leaping with joy as I was about to hop myself to Pier 1 Imports to get me some nice cookie containers and Fall accents for the house. DH and I planned to drive to Mission on Raya Eve to sleepover and spend Raya there – so our house has to be ready before we take the long drive. Eve of Raya is not till the next day, so I was patting my own back for being one day early in my prep.

That’s when my phone ring (yes right after I got out of the car, typical dramatic point!) and it was MIL. She said the mosque nearest to the Mission house is celebrating Raya the next day ! What ? But I am not ready, I said ! So she asked what method are we following – and I told her I have to call her back in an hour while I consult the resident ‘ustaz’ in my house, DH.

As I stood there flustered by the prospect that I may not be having my first ever Raya abroad with my only family here – my in-laws, I understandably could not find any coins to insert into the parking machine. Darn. This is not a good time to park illegally in Kerrisdale, I thought. The street was very busy and I need to get my shopping done. But if Raya is the next day, I also need to get home so we can get to Mission on time.

Then as if on cue, the (sometimes) annoying Blackberry had a red light. An email came from a good friend here, and the title? “Eid Tommorrow”, or something like that. Arrggh!! Is this serious?! Eid is suppose to be on Saturday, not Friday – the day before I need to go shopping leisurely! I called her and had a yakkety yak about my own confusion, and she did a quick briefing of the different methods – global and local sighting, and how DH and I have to basically decide which method we follow. The reason? Mosques in Vancouver (and mostly Canada and US) differ in the methods – so it depends on which method you are comfortable with. She follows the global sighting method.

So I called DH, who took my call with the most calm and unperturbed manner when it comes to Eid-Day excitement. Typical engineer self versus bohemian social science person.

Me ? I was so excited I must have spoken so fast, that I can barely understood myself. I wanted to know when WE are celebrating Eid. Basically – are we global sighters or local sighters, I asked. “Why is that a question?”, he said. “We follow local sighting, no question. So we have to wait until the local sighting mosques make an annoucement”. Wait? Did I hear WAIT ? But there is no waiting in Singapore! We just KNOW when Raya is and plan our lives way ahead of it!!

The next 2 hours of my life, between Kerrisdale and my place – my mind was whirling with all the “Why must this happen to me on my first Raya abroad ?? ” thoughts. Yes, negative ones. You see, as a virgin on celebrating Raya abroad, I was calculated in taking care of not being too sad about being away from my own family and friends. I thought that hey, just don’t be in 2 minds about wanting to be in 2 different places for Raya, celebrate with the in laws and the Malay Muslim families in Vancouver and I should be able to forget the ‘missing Singapore’ bit. But if Raya is to be celebrated on Friday as announced by that 1st mosque, I am in danger. Because I assumed that most Malay Muslim families and my in-laws would follow THAT mosque since it is very near their homes. And so my celebration fantasy will dissapear into thin air. I had initially wanted to celebrate Raya with my friend and her family too, but since she has planned to visit some families in Victoria (an offshore island off Vancouver), I had meticulously erased THAT celebration fantasy off my head. I am left with the in-laws and Malay Muslim families as my respite, so they cannot be celebrating a day ahead of me!

Yes, yes, I know. Selfish minds. It is called pain management, ok.

The long wait finally came to a close when I educated myself with what the global sighting and local sighting method is, by reading, making calls and reflecting. It was the fastest discourse I have ever done when it comes to religious matters, but I concur with DH’s decision on using the local sighting method. So now that my heart is rested well about WHEN Raya will be for us, we waited for the big announcement if there were any local sighting of the Syawal crescent in Western Canada.

When in anxiety, you should zikir yes? Well I did, for a few minutes. My hand then picked up the phone to call who else but ? Yes, Mak. Told her about the hulla-bulloo and she was so amused by it and how I am ‘suffering’. Thank God Mak has a sense of humour. If she has been the bawling type who waxes lyrical about oh-why-must-you-be-so-far-away-on-Raya-day , then I would be in tears faster than an F1 pit stop. Her cheerfulness cheered me up, so I was upbeat again. Another respite came from a close friend in Singapore who called and after hearing out my rapid-fire anxiety of uncertain Raya celebration, she said, “Oh dear !! Oh dear !! Major dilemma for you, man ! Jalan Raya fun or completing Ramadan!”. Darn. Hit home like nail. I thought I grew up.

A few hours passed and finally announcements were made by other mosques about when Eid will be. No crescent was sighted locally so Raya will be on Saturday. MIL decided to follow local sighting too and so my entire in-laws family will be having Raya on Saturday, yay! So its back to Plan A – clean up the house, drive to Mission, cook up a storm with MIL, gorging on the Kuih Makmur and Kuih Tat that SIL and me made over 6 hours that day, etc etc. Raya will be on Saturday and I assume the Malay Muslim families on that part of Vancouver are doing it then too. Ah bliss.

After our last terawih together, DH and I went to the supermarket to get last minute supplies – yes fresh flowers included. I may not have the fun of ‘stealing’ leaves from the Chinese cemetery in Singapore with my kookoo cousins this year, but heck, I am paying for them this time.

Selamat Hari Raya everyone.